A Medical Mama’s Tips, Tricks and Tales

Philly to Charleston at 6am with 3 kids ain’t no joke yall! We arrived at 4am and still felt like we were RUNNING into the plane.

Was it worth it? Yes.

Was it exhausting? Yes.

Did I get sassy, saucy and irritated with my husband? Yes.

Am I an imperfect daughter of the King trying to parent 3 kids, one who is so sweet and special and loves to puke at all the wrong moments? Yes!!!!!

MIRACLES: The Miracle Wasn’t Just the Baby

After a long, hard week of traveling with a special needs kid, feeling exhausted.. the kind like your body got hit by a truck and your brain is mashed potatoes and your heart feels like it got punched…, I am trying to remember God’s faithfulness.. Through the storms. Through each diagnosis. Every ultrasound. Turning tears to thankfulness… looking back and seeing what the Lord has done.

<we did have a great vacation, it’s just the realization that vacation is simply not supposed to be so… hard. So incredibly hard>

Giving birth to a baby all the doctors said was going to die prenatally or at birth wasn’t the only miracle in the delivery room – (although she is my favorite miracle!). As I look back 3 years later, the most unfathomable miracle is the peace I had as I was wheeled in to deliver my angel. Moments even before going in, a hospice doctor had come in to chat with us and our parents. To answer any last minute questions, and to ask us again about intubation, CPR, death, dying, funeral arrangements, and more ridiculously painful questions.

I was a heartbroken I felt no one else on earth could understand and.. at the exact same time..

somehow, peace overwhelmed me. I was in the depths of despair, in the deepest of pits, and I felt God in it with me. I truly believe with all my heart it was the Peace of Christ. The truth I couldn’t have learned otherwise, or believed in my depths when Jesus said,

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

I spent about 6 months of pregnancy and now 3 years lamenting (crying) to God. And, that lament sometimes turns me to praise.

God doesn’t always give us the physical miracle, but what if the real miracle is in our broken hearts? In our angry, hard hearts? In our jealous, envious desires? The miracle of peace, indescribable peace.

As I write this, I write mourning, lamenting, as news of severe flash flooding of the Guadalupe River took the lives of more than 20 campers from Camp Mystic. I write acknowledging that there are mommies and daddies, brothers and sisters who are in the first, rawest stages of grief. I pray for the miracle of indescribable peace. I pray for the peace of the knowledge of dancing and laughing and innocence in the arms of Jesus. With these parents, I long for Heaven. For healing, for hope.